Through The Skin of His Teeth
by LoonyLoopyLupin96
Summary: Remus had been looking over his shoulder for Sirius for months after he broke out of jail and then Sirius broke into the school. But, he didn't go and see Remus. "Yeah, he's changed a lot," Remus thought. *One Shot*


It wasn't enough that he had been able to break free from Azkaban. He actually broke into the school. He had been, but yards away. Remus wasn't sure how he felt. Anger seared through him, as he remembered Sirius being sent to jail without a trial. Remus had been so sure that Sirius was innocent. So sure that his friend wouldn't have betrayed James, his partner in crime. But then, after twelve years, Remus had gotten used to the idea that he was forever alone. He had gotten used to the fact that, despite their promises when they left school, Sirius and James wouldn't be there to help Remus, an outcast, get through his life as best as he could. But then now, Sirius has broken out of his jail. Remus had felt more hopeful than he had for years. He was going to see his friend, he wouldn't be alone anymore. But then the realisation came that Sirius wasn't the same person that he used to be. He was a cold-blooded killer. He had caused the death of his best friend, so he wouldn't have wanted to see Remus, surely. And so Remus had tried to go back to his life. As best as he could. He tried to go on with his day to day life. Yet every time he heard the door open to his classroom, or even the staffroom door behind the seat that he usually occupied, he hoped Sirius would come and see him. Each time he walked down the corridor, and heard footsteps behind him, he turned, wanting to see his friend looking back at him; telling him that he had been forced to do the Dark Lord's bidding, that he hadn't wanted to hurt James.

The day Sirius broke into the school was the worst of Remus' life. He had been in his classroom, marking essays, when Professor Snape entered, closing the door behind him as he said, "Lupin. I have news for you." Remus put down his pen immediately. Surely, it must be news of Sirius. A small part of Remus screamed in anguish, preparing for the news that Sirius had been recaptured, or even subjected to the Dementor's Kiss. "You're dear friend, broke into our school tonight. Now, are you going to tell me how you did it, or am I going to be forced to use Veritaserum?" It took a moment for Remus to even register what Severus was saying. "He's been in the school? Is he still here?" Remus asked him anxiously, ignoring Severus' questions. "Yes. And no," he replied, watching Remus' every move. Remus sank back into his chair. Feeling, again, like the day Sirius had been sent to jail. They hadn't had a goodbye then, either. Sirius had only looked at Remus briefly, but before Remus could make sense of the gaze, Sirius had been shoved out and taken away to Azkaban. This time, however, there was more feeling there. Remus was thoroughly annoyed. He had been looking over his shoulder for over six months, with no sign that his old friend had entered the castle. Yet Remus had been unable to help it. He was alone. He wanted to comfort Sirius, after being told of his innocence, and he wanted to be comforted himself, and promised he wasn't going to be alone again. A disgusted sound came from Severus as he watched Remus, before him. Remus, having forgotten Severus was there, looked up through wet lashes and said, "Just, leave me. Please Severus. Go." And with a sneer, Severus had walked back through the door and closed it. Remus sunk further into his chair, putting his head in his arms against the desk, feeling more alone than ever. His friend had entered the castle. Everything Remus had hoped for in the past few months, every time a letter came for Remus, he faced the same disappointment. And yet this time, Sirius had been barely a few yards away, over in the Gryffindor common room. But he hadn't bothered to say hello. Or even push a letter beneath Remus' own door. That was what hurt Remus the most. The Sirius he knew, would have gone out of his way just to be able to talk to any one of his friends. Once again, Remus was forced to accept that his friend was not the same friend he had once been.

And so, as he cried, his head against his arms on the desk, the huge hole that had been through his chest, the day he was told of Lily and James' murders, opened up again. James' face swam through his memory, followed by Lily and Peter, before Sirius also went through his mind, opening the gaping hole further as he remembered how close he could have been to seeing his friend once more. Hatred boiled through him. Hatred and regret. Regret because he had not patrolled the corridors tonight, as he had every other. He had been tired; the full moon was almost upon them. It took all his effort not to wash his face and then head out to his old common room immediately and stay there, in case Sirius came back. Instead, Remus raised his head from his arms and looked over at the picture of he and his three friends. James' arm draped around Sirius' and Lily's shoulders. Sirius' arms hung loosely around Remus and James' waists as Peter stood leaning against him. Remus shivered, the ghost of his friend's arm around him in his memory. More tears sprung down his face as he looked at the happy faces of he and his friends. Remus had been left alone, alone in world where he was doomed to be alone anyway. He thought his luck had changed, but Sirius had seen to that. Sirius had caused the death of anyone who had ever looked past Remus' disease, and seen him for who he was. Remus felt, in that moment, like every bad thing that had ever happened, in which Sirius had been there to comfort him, every bad thing was down to Sirius. Looking at the smiling face of Sirius Black, Remus wanted nothing more than to kill him, cause him pain, make him see what he had done, make him suffer, suffer like Remus had had to. But then, he wanted nothing more than to die. To be with his friends. To see their shining faces once more, at least.

"Sirius, I hate you!" he yelled, trying to fill his voice with venom, he wanted to hate Sirius for leaving him. He wanted to hate him for everything he had done. Yet the ghost of the arm still played around Remus' waist, and he wanted his friend back. All of them. Some of the pain went away as he shouted out, "You've ruined everything!" he continued, anguished tears running down him as he clung to the desk, pain coursing through his fingers as his human nails dug in, but he didn't care, he was alone, and no one else cared for him either.

Outside, unbeknown to Remus, a dog howled. A healthy looking dog. A dog with no physical pain...


End file.
